To Wig or Not To Wig?

A couple of weeks ago, my Dad and I made the long 5 hour car journey back up to Aberystwyth where I was at uni (and will be returning to in September for my final year) so that I could spend several days seeing my lovely friends, some of whom I hadn't seen since before I was diagnosed last year in June 2013! Which was mainly down to me not wanting to see anybody when I wasn't well. It wasn't that they weren't my friends and couldn't be bothered to come and see me, it was simply because I didn't feel like seeing or talking to anyone. I shut myself off from my friends for a while. I didn't tell them when I was first diagnosed  in June, only a few people knew as my Mum had passed on a message I wasn't well, the majority of my friends found out a month later in July when I dropped it into conversation. This may sound strange. Why wouldn't I tell my friends straight away? Some of whom I've known for years and years. Honestly? I don't think I accepted the whole situation for a while. I was there in hospital, having blood and platelets being pumped into me quite intensively during the first several weeks and it was almost like I was looking down on myself watching all of this going on around me. It took me a while to actually register what was going on.

So when I went up to Aberystwyth, I took my trusty wig along which I got from Trendco in Hove, (you can read all about my lovely wig *here*) as I was very aware of the fact that when I last saw the majority of my friends, I had had lovely long hair that reached almost half way down my back.

I arrived at my friends house (where I should also have been living this year) in my wig and it was really lovely to see everybody again! I braved it the next couple of days and didn't wear my wig, as we mainly stayed in catching up, or wandered around town for a bit. Nothing major. Then came Friday night. Two of my friends were celebrating their birthday in town (which I did know about, as that was one of the reasons I had gone up to Aberystwyth in the first place.) The theme was to dress as something beginning with either a G or a T, so my friend and I went as two tigers. After I'd done makeup on a couple of my friends, I started getting ready, the panic had already set in, what was I so worried about? Should I wear my wig? Shouldn't I wear my wig? Some people won't be aware of what I've been through, what will they say? Will they shout abuse at me? Will they make a passing comment about the girl with really short hair? Why is it so short, did she do a Miley and shave it off and it's only just growing back? She had such nice hair before, what has she done to herself? The questions and the nasty comments that could potentially be said kept popping up in my head. I was panicking, it was the first time I was going out since June and I couldn't stop this chain of negative thoughts that I thought other people would be thinking too when they saw me.

I had to put on my wig.

I wanted a night of normality, I wanted a night where I could go out with my friends like I used to, like any 21 year old would want to and just have fun. The line 'I feel more comfortable with my wig on' came out of me as I was getting ready and they were fine with that. They didn't ask me any questions, or why, (which I was glad about because honestly, I think I would have started crying.) They simple said if that's what makes you comfortable then that's fine with us. I have the best bunch of friends.

Me, Courtney and Frankie, ready for our night out. ❤

So I went out and I had a lovely final night in Aber. Going back to Aberystwyth made me realise a few things. It made me realise that when you've been through so much and you've been told you're in remission and in the all clear you want life to snap back to normal, how it used to be. But you know what? It won't and it doesn't. Looking at myself each day in the mirror is a constant reminder, I see my short, boyish hair and remember how it all fell it. I can picture it very clearly. Clumps falling from my head to the floor. Masses of hair getting stuck in my hair brush... even my Dad scooping handfuls worth of hair up off the bathroom floor and telling me it'll grow back. He's right, it does grow back. But that doesn't mean it makes it any easier.

My life won't snap back to normal, physically yes, I'm doing so much better than I was and I am in remission and so far in the all clear. But mentally, it takes its toll. There will always be the memories, the little things you see or do on a daily basis that will trigger flashbacks to lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines. I'm sure one day in several years time, it will be back to it's lovely length, but for now I have my trusty wig for those days when I don't want to think about what's happened, or thinking about it becomes all too much. I'm incredibly thankful for the doctors and nurses who have helped me this far and will continue to help me and I am also thankful for my amazing bunch of wonderfully supportive friends.

March Must Haves - Skincare

When I was having treatment, one thing that happened to my skin was that it became very dry, I still have patches of dry skin where I didn't really bother to moisturise as much, such as on my back and my shoulders, but other than those few places, my skin has recovered pretty well from this dryness thanks to daily moisturising.

My skin has always been sensitive and my face is no exception. Because of this I only use products that are kind to my skin and that aren't going to dry it out too much, so let me introduce you to my 'March Must Haves!' First up, my beloved Simple products which I use on a daily basis, morning and evening.

Cleansing/ Facial Wipes
At the moment I have two different packs of Simple's wipes. The 'Kind to Skin Cleansing Facial Wipes' and the 'Spotless Skin Quick Fix Cleansing Wipes.' Both of these packs of wipes will take off all your makeup, including waterproof mascara, (you might have to wipe over it several times) but it will bring it off! They're quick and easy to use if you're in a hurry and you can even carry them round in your handbag if you need to freshen up a bare face during the day.

Cleanse, Tone and Moisturise!

Simple Kind to Skin Purifying Cleansing Lotion
This is a perfect cleansing lotion for dry skin, it's soft and creamy and you can see it taking away dirt from your skin and you can feel it softening the skin at the same time. All you need to do is apply to cotton wool or a cotton pad and gently cleanse your face with it by wiping over your skin!

Simple Kind to Skin Soothing Facial Toner
With a similar application to the Cleansing Lotion, apply the toner onto cotton wool or a cotton pad and wipe over your face. It instantly refreshes and if you've missed any makeup or bits of skin with your Cleansing Lotion this will cover them. You can feel it working on your face and it does leave it looking slightly brighter and feeling refreshed!

Simple King to Skin Hydrating Light Moisturiser
Finally, once I've cleansed and toned, I follow it up with a moisturiser, because my skin (especially my T-Zone) does tend to got quite dry if I don't moisturise every day.
You can apply this using cotton wool or a cotton pad, but I prefer to use my fingers and then you can really massage the moisturiser into your skin. It moisturises your skin and it smells lovely too!

I use these three products together twice a day - morning and evening and they definitely help in keeping my skin clear, refreshed and moisturised!

Finally, you'll see in my picture that Garnier has wriggled its way into my Simple dominated photo! Sneaky, but in this case, it's definitely allowed!

Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water
I only got this product the other day, but it has already worked itself into my skincare routine. At the moment, I'm using it before I start with my Simple products routine, just as a quick freshen up and also during the day if I have no makeup on and fancy refreshing my skin quickly.

I have seen rave reviews about this new miracle cleansing water and at the moment I can't fault it! Garnier claim this product 'removes makeup + cleanses + soothes' with no need for rinsing your face off afterwards... and you know what? They're right! There is no need to rinse after and it definitely does all of the above. I religiously wear waterproof mascara and it does a very good job of getting all of that off, it also leaves your skin feeling fresh and smooth. You apply it to cotton wool or a cotton pad and then wipe over the skin. It's as easy as that!

I love my Simple products and the new Garnier Micellar Water has definitely slotted its way quickly into my skincare routine. I'd recommend all these products, especially if you have dry skin and are looking to keep it refreshed, clearer and moisturised.

You can find all the above products mentioned in Superdrug, which you can also shop at online *here!*

Makeup - Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday! Every now and then I shall be doing one of these, so you can see some of the makeup/ body painting work I have done previously. All of these images I did towards the end of 2012 as part of a project whilst studying Fine Art in my second year at university, the project itself was based around Endangered Animals and how animals and humans are closely related, I wanted to create something that was striking and would raise questions from the viewer.. so I came up with these.

The top two images I used myself as a model and painted onto myself, they took about two to three hours each to complete. My favourite is definitely the Leopard, maybe it was because it was my first one I did, but I definitely think it's the most detailed and striking out of these set of images.

The bottom images I used my friend as a model, as I wanted to do more of a design rather than just a head and shoulders shot on myself. It was a simple striped design and not as detailed as the top images, but the placing of the stripes was just as important as overcrowding them would have made my model and the overall look less effective as there would have been too much going on. Collectively I think the images work well together, I have done a few more in the series which I will post up at a later date.

Products Used:
Leopard - Snazaroo Face Paints in colours 'Beige Brown'/ 'Ochre Yellow'/ 'Black' and  'White.'
A dark brown smokey eye, black mascara, black eyeliner and false lashes.

Zebra - Snazaroo Face Paints in colours 'Black' and 'White.'
A big black smokey eye, black eyeliner and false lashes.

Tiger - Snazaroo Face Paints in colours 'White'/ 'Orange' and 'Black.'
A big black smokey eye and black eyeliner.

Stay Strong and Keep Smiling

Stay Strong and Keep Smiling.

These were two little phrases that I kept telling myself when I was diagnosed back in June, during treatment, when I was told I was in the all clear in October and now (especially over the next three years) whilst I'm still being monitored in case my cancer returns.
Every time my parents visited me in hospital, they'd always say 'Keep smiling little Em' as they left through the door. When I reached my 21st birthday last December, my parents gave me some money and I decided to get something that I'd be able to keep forever. I chose two rings from the jewellers Joulberry, which I found online from 'Not On The Highstreet.' What attracted me to these rings was the fact you could get them engraved inside and outside. One ring says 'Stay Strong' with my diagnosis date on the inside (20-06-2013) and the other says 'Keep Smiling' with 'Love Mum and Dad xx' on the inside. They arrived pretty quickly and looked lovely, the only problem was, was that they didn't fit. They were way too big. I'd been into a local jewellers to get my ring size measured and had gone with the size they'd said when ordering these rings online. Joulberry were very good about it and gave me a contact number that I could ring to get them sent back and resized, but now that I had them, I didn't really want to be sending them back and waiting ages for them to be resized, especially as I didn't know how much smaller they had to go.

This is where the lovely Richard comes in from RTFJ Handmade Bespoke Jewellery. I came across Richard in a google search, looking for someone local to me who resized rings, then I stumbled across his Facebook page where he had the best bunch of reviews possible from previous customers. I was sold that he was the guy who could fix my rings for me! I dropped him an email and arranged a time to go over to his workshop so he could have a look at my rings and see if he could do anything about them. My Mum and I went over to see Richard and after he'd said he could definitely resize my rings for me, he set about working on them there and then. It probably took him about 20 minutes to resize them and polish them up for me, he worked very quickly and is clearly a man who knows what he's doing when it comes to jewellery. Once he'd finished with my rings he very kindly said that he wouldn't charge me anything, instead I could put the money I would have spent on the ring resizing towards my Race for Life event in June (which you can read about on my blog *here.*) This was incredibly generous of him, seeing as he'd spent his time, equipment and materials on resizing my rings. None of the engraving on the inside or outside of my rings was disturbed, despite them having to be cut down several sizes and they now sit happily on my middle finger and thumb. I couldn't have found a better person to re-size my rings for me.

These rings are something I will keep and wear forever, they're a constant reminder of what I've been through and if worse comes to worst and my cancer ever decides to return, they're also a reminder of what I've stayed strong through before and can stay strong through again.

If you have any rings you need resizing or just anything that's jewellery related, I'd 100% recommend that you drop Richard an email. You can find his Facebook page *here*, his Twitter *here* and his website with all his contact details and general information about him and his work *here!*