NHS Hospital - Royal Sussex County Hospital

In the press recently there have been a lot of 'horror stories' and 'shocking' images of hospital food provided by the NHS. It isn't the first time either that I've read damning stories about the NHS, if it's not the nurses the press are getting at, it's something else... one thing I think that everyone should remember, however, is not to tar all NHS hospitals with the same brush.

I was admitted into the Royal Sussex County Hospital in Brighton in June of last year (2013) onto the Haematology Ward and my first stay was for roughly 3 weeks, which meant hospital food every.single.day... and I honestly couldn't complain. The food I had was all completely edible. (Contrary to what the papers have been reporting lately.) There were two really lovely ladies, who would alternate with one another on different mornings, as to who would come round taking note of what each person wanted for their food that day. (Sometimes it would be a different person, but generally it was one of the two ladies.) Every morning one of them would appear, smile on face, with a choice of different meals I could have that day for lunch and supper and they'd also ask me what I would like for breakfast. (Toast, cereal, yoghurt, fruit, hot drink, cold drink... pretty much anything.) For lunch and supper, there was generally a choice of two/ three different hot options, but there was also the option of sandwiches/  fruit & yoghurt.

All the kitchen staff went about their day with a smile on their face and would always make an effort with me, starting up conversation or just making sure my food was okay whenever they popped in.

You can't fault the staff either. From the kitchen, to the nurses and doctors, they are all such wonderful individuals and it felt like they were always going out of their way to make sure I was okay. It must be really hard at times, (if not every day), working on the Haematology ward, where you're faced with patients who have received a life changing diagnosis, such as cancer. Personally, I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to hold it together, when a patient is falling apart. But every day the nurses would turn up smiling and laughing and go about their shift. Being an inpatient for as long as I was, you get to know the nurses and the rest of the hospital staff really well and I can honestly say they are an incredible bunch of selfless and caring individuals. If I was having a down day, they'd know and they'd try their best to cheer me up or talk me round, reassuring me that it wouldn't be like this all the time. They'd always go out of their way and make an effort, one of the nurses even tried to get me to do some origami, as I spent the majority of my days in hospital sleeping and not doing much else... but I'm pretty sure I just went back to sleep anyway, haha. 

I was incredibly lucky to have such lovely people looking after me, who still continue to every 3 months or so for my check-ups. 

Not all wards are as grim as they're made out to be, not all the staff are as heartless as they're made out to be and not all the food is as bad as it's made out to be either... so don't believe everything that the papers print.

Hair Growth Update - August

The end of next month will mark a whole year since I took the last of my hair off, after it started to fall out. For now, my hair isn't that different from my last hair post, I think it is slowly straightening out as it gets longer, but it is going to take a while and I don't think it will naturally be as straight as it was pre-cancer, without the help of a straightening iron.

It has reached a length now where I can get the top half into a little ponytail, which keeps it off my face, or the bottom half into a ponytail, but it doesn't all go into one ponytail... yet!

I'm still using Lee Stafford's 'Hair Growth' shampoo, treatment pot and conditioner which is the 'For Hair that never Grows past a certain length' range. 

Next September hair update (next month) will be my last hair update, as it will have been a year since the last of my hair was taken off. ♥

Hair Growth Update - July

The end of July means that it is time for my monthly hair update! I took the last remaining bits of my hair off at the end of September... as it's now the end of July, I've had 10 full months of my hair growing back. I've religiously used Lee Stafford's hair growth range, which involves a shampoo, a treatment pot (which you use straight after the shampoo) and then the conditioner.

The pictures above show how my hair has changed within just a month. It's slow and steady progress and it's obviously not going to reach waist length overnight, but I think it's doing pretty well!

It is getting a tiny bit straighter with the length pulling down the curls, but other than that, there's not much else to say apart from that it's still growing, haha. I do run my straighteners through my hair on occasion and it does look longer compared to when it's left natural and wavy, as you can see from the pictures above.☺

Hair Growth Update - June

Hair update! Finally my mop of hair is starting to straighten out a tiny bit, granted it's not that much, but it is getting a bit straighter on top where the length is starting to weigh it down, the ends do still kick up into little curls, but, as you can see from the pictures it is getting a tiny bit straighter!

The pictures above I've washed my hair the night before, so it's dried naturally and just does what it wants to. Obviously, when I get straighteners through my hair, it does go much flatter, which I will do a post on during July to show the full length it has reached to date.

Other than my hair getting that tiny bit straighter, (and there being that little bit more on my head) there is not much to add from my last update. I'm still willing it to grow down to my waist overnight... but that's not likely to happen... at all. I'm still using the pink hair growth shampoo, treatment pot and conditioner from Lee Stafford's hair products range, which you can pick up either online or in Boots stores! ♥

National Cancer Survivors Day - June 1st

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO BE ALIVE.

Today is National Cancer Survivors Day. A day to celebrate life. This time last year I hadn't even been diagnosed yet... little did I know that a couple of weeks later I'd be sitting in a hospital bed being told I had leukaemia. When I look back to when I was diagnosed, being admitted into hospital, all the tablets, the chemo, the sleepless nights... all of it.. it seems like one big whirlwind. However I understand that it all could have ended so differently for me, had I not been sent to A&E after my third visit to the doctor. Which makes today (and every other day) something that I'm extremely thankful for. There were (and still are) a wonderful bunch of people who looked after me during my diagnosis and treatment, who continue to look after me now that I'm in remission and being monitored for the next couple of years.

However it's not just a day to celebrate those who have survived. It's a day to remember those who we've lost to cancer, those who fought so hard to stay with us and those who are still fighting against cancer.

If you'd like to know more about National Cancer Survivors Day, how it came about, events and latest news. You can pop over to their website *here!*


On a separate note, last week (Wednesday 28th May) I went up to London to help promote Race for Life, which helps raise money for Cancer Research UK. There were 50 of us altogether and we all donned a fluffy pink gorilla costume each! We then went round London having group photos taken in different locations and doing the 'Cancer Slam' dance routine. The whole purpose of the day was to raise awareness of the events going on, like Race for Life, that help to raise money for Cancer Research UK. Money which is vital into researching cancer further, improving on current treatments and developing new ones. It was a really fun day and the outcome was many funny photos, a lot of pink fluff and a video which you can view by clicking on this link... *Race for Life - Pink Gorillas in London!*

If you'd like to sign up for a Race for Life event near you (or a different event, as there are many!) You can do so by popping over to the website *here!* You can also read my original Race for Life event post, which my sister and I will be taking part in next Sunday *here!* ♥

How My Friends Reacted To My Cancer Diagnosis..

HARD TIMES WILL ALWAYS REVEAL TRUE FRIENDS.

This statement is incredibly true. It's during the tough times that your true friends will be revealed and you will fully understand what it means to have those friends there for you.

As I mentioned in my previous post 'How I Told My Friends I Had Cancer' I pretty much dropped my leukaemia diagnosis into conversation like it was no big deal. I didn't really know what to expect from my friends. I was a bit of a mess over the whole situation so I genuinely had no idea how they'd react, or what they'd say.. if anything. The majority of my friends were so lovely about the whole situation, yes it upset them, but they all wanted me to know how much they loved me and really.. if I was going to be okay. I had lots of cards and little presents arrive with 'get well soon' wishes and lovely messages from my friends and family friends. It always brightened up my day when I had an animal themed card delivered to my room! Haha!

But, all the caring and genuine messages come with bad and the maybe not so genuine... I received messages from old friends who I hadn't heard from in a while, which was lovely of them to get in touch. However there were people who I classed as my 'close friends' who I heard nothing from. There was no message, no phone call, no anything and they still haven't spoken to me much since my diagnosis, or since being told I was in remission.. it's weird how people you classed as your best friends, people who you thought would be there for you suddenly vanish. I know that suddenly finding out that someone you care about has cancer is tough, it's hard to deal with and some people can't deal with it and push you away instead, so maybe that was it. But it was a hard realisation that people who I thought would always be there, suddenly weren't. As well as this sudden realisation, I also received messages from people who hadn't made my life easy in the past. People who had been really horrid to me and had ultimately caused me to move schools.. saying that they couldn't believe what had happened, (news which they'd heard through mutual friends) and they were now 'thinking about me.' Now don't get me wrong, maybe their intentions were genuine when they chose to get in contact and maybe they genuinely couldn't remember how rubbish and hell like they'd made my life in the past. But these messages I chose not to respond to. I wasn't going to let myself get drawn in by them.

I will never understand why when someone becomes seriously ill, those who hurt them before will suddenly pop up, acting like nothing ever happened. They never hurt you. They were never mean to you. They act like everything is just peachy. It's a behaviour that baffles me now and probably always will.

Having cancer has taught me a lot. It's taught me who I can and can't trust. Who will always be there when I need them... and those who are only there when it benefits them. It's a hard lesson to learn when you're extremely ill, however I'm glad I now know who the genuine people are in my life.❤

'FRIENDS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN THE RECIPE OF LIFE.'

Hair Growth Update - May

Every month I do one of these posts, and each time I take the photos I think that my hair hasn't grown at all... then I compare with the photos from the month before and do a little happy dance.. because it is growing! There isn't really much to say growth wise, because it's growing.. which means it's getting longer haha. But it is still super curly as you can see from the photos, with a thicker texture, really... it's just a mass of hair! I'm still hoping that as it does get more length on it, it will start to straighten out a bit and not as tightly curled and out of control! But I'll just have to wait and see!

My hair care routine is still the same as it has been since my hair started growing back October time last year. I am using the Lee Stafford 'Hair Growth' range, which has a shampoo, treatment pot (that you use after the shampoo) and a conditioner. There is also a leave in spray bottle in the hair growth range, which you can spritz onto your hair after you step out the shower, however I have only used this little bottle a couple of times since October. I normally just use the other three products I mentioned first.

Overall, I am still really happy with how quickly my hair seems to be growing! I just can't wait for it to be back to its pre-cancer length!

How I Told My Friends I Had Cancer...

Taken 6 days before I was diagnosed.

I was thinking back the other day, about when and how I told my friends that I had cancer.. in hindsight I probably could have handled it better and probably should have told them straight away. But I didn't. Telling my friends that I had been diagnosed with cancer, I knew, wasn't going to be easy. I'm not one of those people who likes to tell others every single last detail of their personal life, or 'you'll never guess what happened to me today.. well I'm going to tell you!' kind of person... I see a lot of people, especially on facebook, documenting every single little thing that has happened to them either with a 'selfie' or a picture of the incident taken literally as soon as it has happened... be it a nosebleed, a paper cut or falling down the stairs.
So when it came to me telling my friends, I literally just dropped it into conversation like it was completely normal and something that happened on a daily basis. I was diagnosed on the 20th June 2013 and the majority of my friends didn't find out until the 1st July 2013... so a good 12 days later. I put up a status on my facebook profile, thanking the handful of friends who already knew about my leukaemia diagnosis for their love and support. The exact message was..

 'Just wanted to say a massive thank you for the love and support since I came into hospital with Leukemia. I really appreciate the messages and I shall get back to you as soon as I can, so thank you.  xxx'

Now, I know putting it up on Facebook a lot of people won't agree with. Something as serious as cancer should probably be told in person or over the phone, not something to be stumbled upon as your friends are scrolling through their newsfeed. However, I didn't want to call anyone. I didn't want to say that I was in hospital. I didn't want to see anyone. I just didn't want to have to verbally communicate with any of my friends. I knew that if I called one person, I'd have to call them all... and in doing that each call would end up progressively worse than the last and I would have ended up either a hysterical mess at the end of the conversation, or a complete mess as soon as they picked up the phone, unable to get any words out.

Prior to breaking my cancer diagnosis to my friends, I'd been texting them whilst I was in hospital acting like everything was wonderful... conversations of, 'How are you?' and 'How has your day been?' My response was, 'I'm great thanks! How are you lovely?!' and 'Yeah, it's been pretty boring actually! Ha! You had a good day?' ...for me this was so much easier to do than actually a) acknowledge the situation I was in, or b) send back an essay of a message, all about my day of lying in bed, being checked over by doctors and nurses and continuously having blood and platelets and drugs pumped into me. I didn't want to bother anyone. I didn't want to burden them with how my life had suddenly been turned upside down. I didn't want them to have to feel how I was feeling... so for me, it was easier to act like nothing was going on and I was lounging about at home like I'd normally be doing during the summer, watching Jeremy Kyle and Honey Boo Boo! Ha! A handful of my close friends did find out several days after I was diagnosed as my Mum had sent them a message, although she had asked them not to say anything until I was ready, as I was reluctant for her to tell anybody in the first place.

Once more and more people started to find out, there were messages, cards, presents and 'get well' wishes... one thing about being critically ill, is that a lot of people start to pop up who you haven't spoken to in years... people who you know weren't bothered about you before.. people who had treated you really badly.. so why were they bothered now?! But I'll post about that at a later date..

I don't know if there is a right or wrong way to go about telling your friends when you're critically or seriously ill. For me, this was the only way I could deal with telling people. If it happens to me all over again, honestly, I think I'll end up doing exactly the same thing and won't tell anybody until I feel like I'm ready to tell them, or I feel that they should know what is going on. I'm good at putting on a smile and acting like everything is okay. I don't want to put my friends in a situation where I know that they'll feel upset or scared for me. All those emotions that I went through when I was first diagnosed... the tears, the sleepless nights, the fears that I wouldn't see tomorrow... I didn't want them to feel the same way, which was why I held off telling them.

It's always going to be hard, no matter how you tell people.

One Crazy Week - In The News!

So this week has been absolutely crazy! At the end of February a couple of weeks ago, I was contacted by the lovely Harriet from SWNS news. They're the UK's largest press agency and Harriet had happened to come across my blog and contacted me on twitter saying she wanted to do a piece on it as she thought it might get interest from others who might be in the same situation. So after several phone calls with Harriet, she'd got all the information she needed and I sent her some photos from my blog, as well as photos of me before and after treatment.

Harriet then pitched my story to the papers and it was picked up and published online at the beginning of last week. I was getting emails and telephone calls from lots of different people wanting to know about my blog and my cancer diagnosis, having interviews on the radio and a reporter and cameraman for BBC South East came round late Wednesday afternoon to interview me... Friday lunchtime and Friday evening I was shown on the local news. It's been completely bizarre! However I am extremely thankful for the exposure my blog and 'My Cancer Story' has had over the past week and all the emails I've received, from people who have also been diagnosed with cancer, to those who have been touched by my story. Thank you for your kind messages and I hope that my blog posts on 'Dealing With Cancer' have made a difference to those reading, even if it's just one person.

Below are the links that will take you to my story featured in different newspaper articles online:
The Mail Online
The Argus
The Huffington Post
Kent & Sussex Courier
The Sun
BBC News Sussex

I did a pre-recorded radio interview with Bright FM and spoke to a journalist from the Sussex Express just the other day. I'll also be featured in a Women's magazine later in the month, but I'm not sure when these will pop up, so I'll let you know when I know!

Thank you again for all the support and lovely messages I have received, I am very grateful that my story has had such a positive reaction, so thank you.

Stay Strong and Keep Smiling

Stay Strong and Keep Smiling.

These were two little phrases that I kept telling myself when I was diagnosed back in June, during treatment, when I was told I was in the all clear in October and now (especially over the next three years) whilst I'm still being monitored in case my cancer returns.
Every time my parents visited me in hospital, they'd always say 'Keep smiling little Em' as they left through the door. When I reached my 21st birthday last December, my parents gave me some money and I decided to get something that I'd be able to keep forever. I chose two rings from the jewellers Joulberry, which I found online from 'Not On The Highstreet.' What attracted me to these rings was the fact you could get them engraved inside and outside. One ring says 'Stay Strong' with my diagnosis date on the inside (20-06-2013) and the other says 'Keep Smiling' with 'Love Mum and Dad xx' on the inside. They arrived pretty quickly and looked lovely, the only problem was, was that they didn't fit. They were way too big. I'd been into a local jewellers to get my ring size measured and had gone with the size they'd said when ordering these rings online. Joulberry were very good about it and gave me a contact number that I could ring to get them sent back and resized, but now that I had them, I didn't really want to be sending them back and waiting ages for them to be resized, especially as I didn't know how much smaller they had to go.

This is where the lovely Richard comes in from RTFJ Handmade Bespoke Jewellery. I came across Richard in a google search, looking for someone local to me who resized rings, then I stumbled across his Facebook page where he had the best bunch of reviews possible from previous customers. I was sold that he was the guy who could fix my rings for me! I dropped him an email and arranged a time to go over to his workshop so he could have a look at my rings and see if he could do anything about them. My Mum and I went over to see Richard and after he'd said he could definitely resize my rings for me, he set about working on them there and then. It probably took him about 20 minutes to resize them and polish them up for me, he worked very quickly and is clearly a man who knows what he's doing when it comes to jewellery. Once he'd finished with my rings he very kindly said that he wouldn't charge me anything, instead I could put the money I would have spent on the ring resizing towards my Race for Life event in June (which you can read about on my blog *here.*) This was incredibly generous of him, seeing as he'd spent his time, equipment and materials on resizing my rings. None of the engraving on the inside or outside of my rings was disturbed, despite them having to be cut down several sizes and they now sit happily on my middle finger and thumb. I couldn't have found a better person to re-size my rings for me.

These rings are something I will keep and wear forever, they're a constant reminder of what I've been through and if worse comes to worst and my cancer ever decides to return, they're also a reminder of what I've stayed strong through before and can stay strong through again.

If you have any rings you need resizing or just anything that's jewellery related, I'd 100% recommend that you drop Richard an email. You can find his Facebook page *here*, his Twitter *here* and his website with all his contact details and general information about him and his work *here!*

Why Having Cancer Helped Me

I know, you're probably thinking how can something as bad as cancer be helpful? A disease that spreads itself around your body, putting you through months if not years or absolute torture, causing you to become reliant on drugs to survive, then if you're one of the lucky ones and you do survive it, there's that constant fear of it coming back and sending you straight back to square one. HOW is that helpful?

Me and Grandad

In February 2006 my Grandad died of cancer. He was my Mum's father and an incredibly talented artist, living up in Wigan. We didn't see him as often as we saw my other grandparents due to the fact he lived so far away, but occasionally my brothers and I would take it in turns to go up there in pairs (we'd have been too much of a handful all at once) and visit. Then when he could he'd make the drive down to us, but obviously this became more difficult as his cancer got worse and his health deteriorated. The last time I saw him was when I said goodbye as he prepared to drive back home, I remember his legs and his feet looking incredibly sore and swollen and after one last hug he set off. After that he became too ill and weak to drive down and eventually he was admitted to hospital, we never went to see him in hospital, mainly because of the long journey, but probably because at 13 nobody should have to see someone dying and bed bound. Then, one day in February Mum and Dad sat us all down in the living room and told us he'd passed away. Death is a strange thing. It's always the gentlest people who seem to be taken first, and no matter how prepared you think you are for that moment when you're told someone you love so dearly has died, you're never prepared enough for the effect it will have on you or the way it hits you and continues to effect you as the years go by.

The following year, 2007, was the year my Granny (my Dad's mother) also died as a result of cancer. The lead up to my Granny's death I remember a lot more of. When the hospital said they couldn't really do any more to help her, just make her comfortable she came to stay with us. Prior to staying with us she had lived down in Brighton and it was the hospital in Brighton, (the same one where I have been treated at) that she had also been in. On one of the few occasions I went to visit her in hospital, (eventually I couldn't handle visiting) we went into the building, up the stairs and into the ward she was in. She was lying on a bed nearer the end of the ward and despite being so ill, she was always so happy to see us. One thing about Granny was that she was always brave enough to smile through the pain, no matter how bad it was. We gathered round her and talked for a while, there was a lady a couple of beds up acting confused and kept asking questions that nobody could answer, simply because they didn't know what she was talking about. Seeing Granny hooked up to tubes was just unbearable, I had to make my excuses saying I needed the toilet and make a quick exit trying to hide the tears running down my face. I made it down one flight of stairs before stopping at a window, looking out, trying to disguise the fact that I was crying from other people going up and down the stairs. Eventually Dad came out to find me and once i'd calmed down we went back in to see Granny. Soon, there was nothing more that the hospital could do for her, so she came to stay at ours. I moved out of my bedroom on the ground floor as it was much easier for Granny as there were no stairs to negotiate with and the window looked out onto the garden, which was much better than staring at hospital curtains or walls all day. While Granny was staying with us I went on a school trip to Poland where we stayed at the Mount Haven Centre and helped out with the children who stayed there. I was only away for 10 days, but to me, those are 10 days I shouldn't have been away, they're 10 days that I will never get back when I could have been at home with Granny. The worst part about it was that each day I was away, was another day she just got weaker, which I was fully aware of. When I got back home, I brought back with me a couple of collectors spoons. Little silver spoons with Krakow and Poland written on them, these spoons from different countries were something Granny had collected for years since my Dad had brought her one back from travelling round when he was younger. I'd bought a hand carved wooden box for her to keep them in and after i'd gone into her room to see her and to give them to her, Mum told me that that was the most Granny had moved since i'd been away. She'd tried to sit up to give me a hug and she looked really happy with her gift. Not long after that Granny died. After Mum had told us Granny had passed away she tried to keep us out of the room, but when she wasn't standing by the door I crept in. Granny was lying there, it was just like she was sleeping, she even had her mouth partly open like she was snoring. I sat in the chair next to her and gently placed both of my hands round her left hand. It was cold, very cold, but I didn't want to let go, I didn't want to and I wasn't ready to. Eventually Mum came in and said I had to let go now and she took me to sit in the living room with my brothers and sister. We had to close the curtains and were told to keep them closed, this was because there were people coming to take Granny's body away and just like that she was gone.

Granny with my brother Charlie

Nothing prepares you for death. No matter how weak you see that person getting, or how quickly their health deteriorates, nothing prepares you. After Granny's death I really struggled. I knew she'd died because of Cancer, but why? For years I beat myself up about it and I couldn't get my head round it. Why did Granny die? Why couldn't I do anything to help her? Why didn't she stay with us longer? Why didn't the hospital help her more? Why did she get cancer? Why did it happen to her? Why did she stop fighting and just go, just like that?

But you know what, she did all that she could. It wasn't her fault and it wasn't my fault. She'd had enough. She couldn't take any more, physically or mentally. This is something that I realised when I was diagnosed with cancer and during my treatment. Being treated for cancer obviously varies depending on the type you have, but when I was going through my treatment, especially when I was first admitted, it was intense. I was being pumped with multiple bags of blood and platelets pretty much every day. I was put on so many different types of drugs, most of which I couldn't even pronounce and there were times when even I questioned if I'd be able to keep it up. Did I really want to lie in a hospital bed for months on end being pumped with different bags of fluid each day? Was this how I was going to spend the rest of my life? Luckily for me, once I'd gotten through the first several weeks and I began to respond to treatment, the number of bags of blood and platelets I was having decreased and eventually my blood was coping fine without needing extra help.

But going through all of that, finally made me understand. It made me understand that cancer is extremely hard, no matter how old you are. My Grandad and my Granny spent much longer living with their cancer, so for them it must have been far worse. Towards the end of my chemo I began to question how other people with cancer managed to deal with everything for longer periods of time, all the drugs, the chemo, the not knowing, just everything. My chemo was stretched out over about 5 months, but there are people who are having chemo for years and I simply don't know how they do it. I felt so drained and was so glad and thankful when it was finished. It all helped in making me realise that when my Granny and my Grandad died, they didn't give up, they'd just taken all that they could take. They didn't want to leave, they had to, they'd been so drained physically and mentally that the thought of no more pain, the thought of no more drugs, the thought of no more being poked around and no more lying in bed thinking back on how their life used to be, that was what they wanted, they wanted normality and more importantly no more pain, just peace.. and who can blame them?

Having cancer helped me understand that, which is something for me, no amount of 'talking about it' could. No I didn't like having cancer and no, I don't like the thought of it returning. But if anything positive has come out of this, then it's finally understanding that my Grandad and my Granny didn't leave me out of choice. They just couldn't take any more and I wouldn't have wanted them to go through any more either. I strongly believe that if I hadn't have had cancer, i'd still be going round in a destructive cycle, not understanding why my grandparents died. It's an extreme way to understand, but I now know how much the disease drains you and tears you down not only physically, but mentally as well.

They loved me, they loved all of us and even though memories and photographs are all that I have left, those are things that will stay with me forever and they can never be replaced or taken away.